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Here is an excerpt from Chapter 5 of Christian
Carter's Catch Him and Keep Him eBook. Enjoy!
Chapter 5: The Biggest Mistakes Women Make With
Their Emotions & Why Men Love “Cool” Girls
There’s a secret compliment I’ve heard men give over
and over to certain women when they’re talking about
her with other men and I’ve finally figured out what
it means. This is a kind of “guy code”; an unspoken,
but universally understood male slang.
Men will refer to some women they know as a “cool
girl” or a “cool woman.”
Ever heard a guy say this? It may sound simple and
shallow, but when men say this about a woman,
they’re talking about something a lot more tangible
So what does this guy code of a “cool girl” actually
mean? In my experience, after hanging out with
hundreds of men and getting the same general idea of
what they mean when they say a “cool girl”, they
mean that the woman “gets” certain social and
emotional dynamics that resonate deeply with men.
And more importantly, there’s a subtle implication
that the woman is someone that the man would like to
spend time with. That being around her is all about
good experiences and fun, positive energy that the
man can relate to, and not about any negative things
that men unfortunately associate with women they
Yeah, that’s right… Some men “lump” the women they
dislike into one big category so when they meet a
woman and she reminds them of any of those women,
they automatically dismiss her without giving her
the benefit of the doubt.
Kind of sad, huh? But it happens. Ever been talking
about something you feel strongly or kind of
“emotional” about and the guy you were talking to
either shut down, seemed irritated, or started in on
you for some unknown reason? This reaction was
probably because the man associated you with a woman
or an experience from his past.
Actually, there’s even a larger stereotype that men
promote: women are “hysterical.” Come up against
that one before? It must be really frustrating to
But let’s get back to the idea of “cool girls.” What
are these women doing that makes men see them that
After looking around, watching the way some of the
“cool girls” behave, I’ve seen a few things they all
do and don’t do.
Let’s start with the “Do’s.”
Cool girls don’t complain much or talk about things
that are impossible for anyone to solve given the
Cool girls bring funny positive thoughts and
feelings to situations.
Cool girls don’t have to always be in control.
They’re willing to go with the flow when it comes to
social things, but make assertion when they have
opinions and ideas.
Cool girls have options and things to do that keep
them busy and content, so they don’t feel like
they’re left out if they’re not invited to
Cool girls don’t try and make a man do something if
he says he doesn’t want to. They’d prefer for the
man to make up his own mind.
When cool girls need help, they find simple,
non-controlling ways to ask for it. Cool girls know
that getting or asking for help, and communicating
about it in a positive way means keeping their own
emotional agenda at bay.
Cool girls can handle almost any social situation.
They don’t get nervous or anxious around certain
people, places, and situations.
Cool girls don’t require or ask too much from a man
at any one time. They know there’s always tomorrow.
Cool girls don’t need a man to always validate their
emotions and ideas.
Cool girls aren’t afraid to be completely honest,
and know what a real level of honesty is and sounds
like (to a man).
Cool girls know that the way they feel and talk
about themselves is how men will feel about them.
And here are the “cool girl” Don’ts.
Don’t minimize your feelings when you’re really
affected or bothered by something. (Don’t say, “it’s
OK” and then mope all night.) Men have a sense of
intuition too, so don’t lie about your feelings.
Take the time to observe your feelings and be
patient with how you express them, and consider what
response your words are going to get out of a man.
Don’t exaggerate about what’s going on around you or
what a man is doing, unless you do it to make a joke
or make fun of him in a playful way. (Don’t say,
“You NEVER want to do anything fun!” if you feel
aggravated that he just wants to stay home. A
joking, playful response would be to say with a
smirk, “My friends are gonna be jealous when they
hear about the rip-roaring Saturday night we had!”)
Don’t say everything that you’re feeling and
experiencing. Think before you speak. (Yeah, so your
co-worker offloaded a big project on you before she
left for vacation. Do you REALLY need to bring it up
and complain about it while you’re out at dinner?
Wouldn’t it be better to just let it go and enjoy
Don’t mention bad situations, issues or problems
from the past unless it’s a total “must” or
extremely important and you haven’t been able to
talk about it yet. Otherwise, live in the present.
(Don’t keep bringing up that time when you were
first dating and he didn’t invite you to his party.
That was months ago!)
Don’t try to force or convince a man to talk about
his feelings. He’ll think you’re being needy. (Men
hate constantly answering, “so what are you thinking
and feeling right now?”)
It’s important to mention that the goal isn’t to
keep you from having your feelings. It’s critical
for you to acknowledge and respect the feelings that
come up to you from inside. But the goal is to bring
you to a place where you can begin to observe how
you’re feeling and make conscious decisions by using
BOTH your emotions and your intellect. The goal is
to use your new emotional and intellectual wisdom
BEFORE you act in certain situations.