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YOU Be the Girl!
Don't Be His Friend!
Are You Obsessed?
Commitment Fear
Become Magnetic!
Emotional Affairs
How to Do Intimacy
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If your man says "I'm just not ready for a serious
relationship..." ...It's not what he says it is, and
it's not what you think. If you're feeling stuck,
desperate, lonely, and think you only have two
options - to either leave him or stay and hope
things get better - there's another way.
If you're feeling hopeless that there'll ever be a
man out there for you - you actually have all the
hope in the world. You can quickly learn to draw a
man toward you who you've never even met - without
games, without strategy, without thinking about it
or working at it at all. In fact, it's just the
opposite.
WHAT DO WOMEN WHO ARE SUCCESSFUL WITH MEN HAVE IN
COMMON?
Think about it. What would it be like to be a woman
who has the man and the relationship you want? If
you want to be married, bingo - you're married.
If you want a new date every night, you have that.
So, what's the common quality these women who seem
to have it so easy in relationships have? Beauty?
No....looks mean very little when it comes to
attracting and keeping men.
Brains (or lack of them)? No we all have ideas about
whether men are intimidated by smart and successful
women, and it just isn't true. The truth is - men
don't care about specifics. How about CONFIDENCE?
Well, yes, we all are attracted to confident people,
but there are plenty of men out there who feel
attracted even when women are very shy, so....What's
left? MEN LOVE AUTHENTICITY.
Across the board, men respond to women who are REAL
- women who are comfortable being themselves
regardless of where they are. Men TRUST a woman who
doesn't suddenly change into another kind of person
the moment she's with a man - and that's what most
men (the kind of desirable man we want, for sure)
experience often with us women when we're feeling
insecure and needy (even if we try to hide it).
Well - this sounds easy. It's easy to say - "Just be
yourself!" But who, exactly, is yourself? If a man
who initially came on strong now is pulling away,
what happened? If a man you went out with - who
seemed to you to be attracted to you, and having a
great time with you - doesn't call for another date,
what happened?
Well, there are many things going on here. Some of
them have to do with the man, his issues, and things
we can't "fix," and some of them are things we
actually CAN change, and the trick is in being able
to tell which is which and learning the skills to
make the switch.
A simple truth is that some men just aren't worth
your time. We may be attracted to them mightily, we
may want them to be Mr. Right, and if we've invested
months, or even years in hoping the relationship
would work out and he'd finally change - or finally
commit - we may be terrified of walking away.
And some men seem worth a huge effort. They're so
great, we want to show them everything we've got -
all our beauty, brains, talent, sexiness, fun. We
want to give love and affection to them, we want to
be available. And some men are really great, but we
don't know it. We can't see it. They're not "our
type." They don't fit the profile.
We like them, but "the chemistry just isn't there."
So, what's the answer? MEN FEEL COMPELLED TO BE WITH
A WOMAN WHO IS VULNERABLE. They are attracted to,
and commit themselves to women who are strong enough
on the inside to allow themselves to be vulnerable
on the outside.
They are attracted to, and commit themselves to
women who are strong enough on the inside to not
have to spend all their energy working to keep a
relationship going. They commit themselves to women
who seem to them to be "special." They commit
themselves to women who, instead of giving all the
time, know how to RECEIVE what a man gives.
They fall in love with women who make them feel like
men. TO BE THIS SPECIAL WOMAN...We have to Stop
doing what doesn't work. Here's how you start
STOPPING:
First, whatever's going on - especially if you can
feel him pulling away - take a step back.
What you want is to get far enough back so you can
actually "feel" what's going on.
Most likely, what's going on is that you're working
too hard. You're trying to avoid feeling the fear we
women all feel about intimacy, authenticity, and
commitment by playing BOTH parts in the relationship
- yours and his!
If you're spending energy trying to make a man who
isn't worth your time "seem" worth your time, you
can't even SEE the man. All you see is your hopes
that he'll change. And when you meet a man who's
really great, you may be pushing him away by
overdoing everything, by trying to "think" your way
through the relationship, by always working on
figuring out what he's thinking, instead of focusing
on how YOU FEEL!
And when you meet a man you like, who is financially
stable, attractive, kind, and treats you like a
queen, you may be so unfamiliar with that kind of
treatment that the "chemistry" part doesn't quite
kick in instantly. And so you write him off, or give
him only a half-hearted chance.
IF HE'S PULLING AWAY... It's not because he's
afraid. Even if he tells you he is. If he was
attracted to you from the beginning, he wants it to
work. He'd like to stay attracted to you. No matter
why he's pulling away, he'll begin to come toward
you once you do two things. The first thing is to
step back.
If you step back, you'll be giving him room to move
toward you. Stepping back means stopping everything
you do now that you would consider to be "giving" to
him. The second thing you have to do is become even
more authentic and allow yourself to be more
vulnerable. This seems, you say, to be exactly what
everyone else is telling me NOT to do!
Your friends are telling you to "act" a certain way,
to pretend you don't care, to do or say all kinds of
things to get him to commit or come closer to you.
They tell you men "hate feelings." And they're
wrong. Pretending ANYTHING is a big mistake.
Pretending is something men just can't stand. This
is why trying to look confident when you don't feel
confident doesn't work. This is why pretending you
don't care, when really it's eating at you, doesn't
work.
So how do you allow yourself to be vulnerable and
authentic, when you feel like a confused, angry pile
of insecurities? You do it by learning how to SHARE
your feelings without making HIM responsible to fix
them for you. You do it by focusing on yourself, and
not on him. You do it by slowly, actually becoming
more confident by treating yourself like a queen.
You do it by talking to him from your heart, in
words that he can not only hear, but which draw him
in. You do it by letting there be silences in the
conversation, by saying clearly what you don't want
and won't tolerate, and by not doing his work in the
relationship for him. You do it by stopping moving
toward him, and allowing him the room to move toward
you. You do it slowly, by actually trusting him.
To start, try this: If you sense your man pulling
away in small ways - by going right to the TV and
ignoring you, or by forgetting to call, or by always
wanting you to come to him, and hardly ever making
an effort to be with you - step back! Find something
interesting of your own to do, leave him to his TV
and go do what feels good to you - read a magazine,
do your nails, take a walk.
Don't say anything about what HE'S doing, focus
instead on what YOU'RE doing that feels good to YOU.
Don't wonder about what HE'S thinking, focus instead
on what YOU'RE feeling. Practice this about small
things, and then move to bigger things. Get into the
mindset of being far enough away so that HE can come
to YOU. Now - This isn't about trying to MAKE HIM
come to you. It's about simply giving him the room
to move toward you.
This means you enjoy your own apartment and prefer
to be there, doing the things you love doing, so
he'll have the room to come to you. This means not
calling him often, so he'll have the room to
discover how much he misses talking with you and
call you. This means not PRETENDING to step back.
This means REALLY stepping back because you no
longer enjoy working so hard at the relationship.
This means giving up wanting control over his
behavior, and instead, taking control of your own
emotional life.
A man will almost instantly get that he's no longer
the complete focus of your life, your emotions, and
your world, and, if he's a good man, he'll be
intrigued enough to begin to move closer to you. Let
me know every step you take - even the small ones
are huge successes!
Love, Rori
If you've already downloaded my Have The
Relationship You Want e-book, work through it. If
you'd like to get it now,
Click Here.
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